DAMN DIRTY GODS 2: "Settle Down. Let it Happen..."

DAMN DIRTY GODS 2: "Let it Happen..."

After the first blow against Asgard, the Siee launched full force. As the battle between H.A.M.M.E.R. and Uru-Hammer rages on, we’ve got recaps of all your tie-ins (including one we through in for emphasis of a returning character), and more than a couple of total “Holy @*#&” moments. SPOILERS ARE ON and it’s time to check in on those Damn Dirty Gods!

Dark Wolverine #82: This SIEGE tie-in is more of a SIEGE prep tie-in at first, but that works fine here. We watch Daken prepping for war while reading his thoughts, and he preps for war as most people would. Starting with beating the hell out of an ally in a pile of their own vomit, he then makes observations about gods and religion while licking blood off his claw. He also pointedly says, *FORESHADOWING ALERT* “Are you Ready to Die for him, Ares?” After seeing Norman’s rallying speech through Daken’s eyes, we see him flirt with and almost kiss Hawk(bulls)eye. Daken’s then seen in the battle of Asgard, slaughtering a few warriors, then trying to cut a deal with one before Norman decapitates the godling. After a short conversation, Dark Wolverine stabs Norman clean through the back. Wait, what? Yeah, that DID happen! It didn’t look like Norman had holes in his armor in SIEGE 1 or 2, so this must happen after. Meanwhile some pointy-toothed sisters looking to bring about Ragnarok…again…observe Daken with hungry eyes, and the scene fades to their crystal ball as Eric Carmen is now in your head.

Dark Avengers #13: Remember back in Bendis’s “Fortune and Glory” where he talks about inviting friends over for Passover Seder as a gag since they didn’t know that they’d have to sit so long for dinner?  It kind of seems like the story of the Sentry is a comics version of that.  We even get a little of “The Ten Commandments” thrown in at the top of this issue to support the theory.  There are quite a few things either confirmed or explained in this issue: a) The Sentry is crazy, b) his wife is terrified of him, c) don’t piss her off, and d) Norman’s crazy, too.  Apparently, Sentry’s power (or the Void’s power) may or may not be related to the power of the plagues of Egypt.  Nevertheless, Bob’s a junkie mess that lied about his origins to seem more heroic.  When his wife tries to kill him, he lives through it, but needs to get to the sun.  Apparently The Void returning, and all can think is that if the Sentry is Norman’s secret weapon, I’ll be disappointed.  Why?  Because he’s been Norman’s OVERT weapon for over a year.

New Avengers #61: This one’s another pre-SIEGE issue. The Hood has Norn Stones, and is powering his motley crew (call him Dr. Feelgood, he’ll make you feel alright) to go after the secret Avengers. The Captains America are watching a H.A.M.M.E.R. crew sift through their skivvies at the old Brooklyn hideout when they’re attacked by some of Hood’s crew. The Corruptor wins “most likely to have a Dr. Light-esque character turn” when he touches Bucky’s face and whispers “Settle down. Let it Happen…” followed shortly by “Kiss the Gun, Captain. KISS IT.” (ACTUAL QUOTES). Meanwhile, the Spiders Man and Woman have a recon date, wherein they talk about Osborn’s heavy dose of crazy and recap all of Secret Invasion in a single paragraph of dialogue. The Caps start to fight between each other, with Bucky under Corruptor’s thrall, and Steve using his old energy-shield. The Spiders start to fight a living Griffin and a Flying Baboon. The Baboon (yes, I know, he’s Mandrill) also has mind-control powers, and pits the Spiders against each other. PARALLEL STORYTELLING! After Woman blasts Man off the roof, Mandrill tells Spider-Woman to point the way to the Avengers.

Avengers: The Initiative #32: Y’know, I think Taskmaster is actually kind of insecure.  Actually, he does get over it as the invasion of Asgard begins.  To quote George Carlin, “I kinda like a guy that doesn’t know what he’s doin’ and won’t admit it.”  On the other hand, Justice has the bright idea of using baseball strategy (“hit ‘em where they ain’t”) by attacking Camp H.A.M.M.O.N.D. in the Initiative’s absence.  By issue’s end, Taskmaster and his cronies stand over a beaten Thor, ready for  . . . INCOMING! (Oh wait, that’s later.)

Captain America: Reborn #6:  Hey, Cap’s reborn, everybody!  (ahem, ignore the New Avengers recap above, and the SIEGE #1 recap from the first edition, and pretend this is news, okay?) Though Cap’s return was long ago a foregone conclusion, he comes back ready to kick all kinds of ass.  Red Skull, Crossbones (heh, Skull and Crossbones; Nazi pirates!), Sin and Zola are all on the receiving end of the big red boot.  Not a lot to break down and crack wise about, as it’s pretty much a big-budget action movie in a few short pages.  Red Skull takes a powder, Sin may be in for a name change, and Cap gets a little time with Sharon.  As you’ve seen by the end of Siege #1, quiet time doesn’t last long.

SIEGE Embedded #2: The roadtrip with Phil, Will, and Volstagg continues, as the gods of Asgard are used as a very heavy allegory for Islamic extremist terrorists, and the idea that you can be Asgardian and not be a threat to humanity, even if there are threats to humanity that are Asgardian. It's squares and rectangles, folks. At any rate, their joy ride gets stopped on the way to Broxton, OK by Osborn's goons. Volstagg slaughters a few, and steals a goblin glider (man those things are TOUGH!), leaving Phil and Will to get arrested by H.A.M.M.E.R. They manage to escape on their own, and everyone's fates are up in the air.

SIEGE #2:  The issue starts in media swordfight as Ares and Balder throw down.  The God of War is full of righteous anger until Balder and Heimdall manage to talk him down.  It only takes a clear-thinking Ares a moment to realize that he’s been punked by Norman.

On the ground, Norman’s “Incoming!” sensor gets its first workout of the day.  If you recall, Norman, Fake Ms. Marvel and the U-Foes (among others) are standing over a badly beaten Thor.  Faster than you can say, well, “Incoming!”, Thor’s human buddies make their move with support from rocketry and an old pick-up truck.  Maria Hill’s gunfire buys Thor a moment, long enough to stand up and smack Ms. Moonstone with the business end of Mjolnir.  Unfortunately, the God of Thunder (Thor, not Gene Simmons) is far from well; Hill and truck-drivin’ Jason get Thor out of Dodge.

In Brooklyn, Cap rallies the New Avengers, the Young Avengers, and the Secret Warriors to make a counterstrike.  Back in Asgard (“Incoming” #2), Ares gets the drop on Norman and Ms. Moonstone (who must have a bitch of a headache).  The advantage doesn’t last long for Ares, as Norman’s Not-Very-Secret-Weapon The Sentry intervenes.  Ares gets in a good stomach shot with his axe, releasing Void Tentacles from Bob’s side.  The Sentry settles it, though, by RIPPING ARES THE F@#% IN HALF.  Yeah, we know that’s the Vision finally went in Disassembled.  It’s dramatic symmetry.  Go with it.

Back in Brooklyn, Bucky gives Cap the shield so he can pack really big heat.  Daisy mocks her own team.  And Phobos is really unhappy that he’s being benched.  Wanna bet he’s even less happy later?  The team saddles up, Spider-Man makes a joke from 14 years ago, and the combined team wormholes to Oklahoma.

On the ground, Dark Wolverine is sniffing around (literally) for Thor. He makes a move, but gets totally barbecued by the Thunder God.  That’s right; Thor is back in Dodge, and mad as Nifelheim.  This is in time for the last page.  Taskmaster, faster than the “Incoming” alarm (#3!) calls to Norman.  Norman looks up in time for what’s sure to be a red, white and blue KLANNGG! at the beginning of #3.

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