Blackest Night: DAMN DIRTY ZOMBIES 7: So Many Pretty Colors

Blackest Night: DAMN DIRTY ZOMBIES 7

For this week's intro, we went back and forth, debating on whether or not to use a bit of writing we'd done. It depended on a few things, and ultimately, we decided it was too revealing, too controversial, too MIND BLOWING to run.

However, we will tell you this. On The Source, Editor Eddie Berganza contended that the Black Lanterns are not in fact Zombies. Which, of course, kinda messes with the title of our little column here. However, thanks to Blackest Night Batman #2, we have our vindication from our pal Robin. Who edited that comic, wherein a character calls them zombies?

Blackest Night: Superman #2: Man oh man, this issue had to be the stuff of nightmares for colorist Rod Reis. There are more bright pastels in this issue than on the White House lawn after 40 days of Lent.

Things weren't looking good for the family of the S at the end of the last issue. After a little more fighting between the Supermen, perhaps the ultimate Black Lantern is revealed: Psycho Pirate. After all, we've discovered the Black Lanterns need their victims to be feeling strong emotion before their hearts are devoured, and of course Psycho Pirate's power is to force emotions onto people. Basically, there are going to be some hearts eaten in 'ole Smallville, but not before there's some anger, some fear, some lust, and lots of other gratuitous emotions felt.

BL Kal-L wants our Kal-El to be completely despaired and completely alone, hence going after Martha and the deceased Jonathan Kent. There's some fighting, then some amazing technicolor Superman, we go back to Psycho Pirate, who has turned Smallville's town square into a free for all of emotion.

Clark tries to appeal to Kal-L's old nature, just as Conner is sent against him by Psycho Pirate, leading to another lovely rainbow colored page.

The jump back to New Krypton shows Black Lantern Zor-El monologuing in Supergirl's general direction. She realizes full on that he is not in fact her father, and punches the top of his head off, as Super characters like to do to the BLs.

Back to Kansas, while Martha's wayward sons carry on, she faces down BL Lois Earth 2. Martha won't just be dust in the wind, though, and declares, torch in hand, "It's On." When you're done laughing, move on to our next recap.

Green Lantern #46:  We’ve been hearing a lot about death.  What, as the Wilson sisters asked in 1985, about love?  Apparently, love is a battlefield.  The Star Sapphires are under assault all over the place, and Carol Ferris and Sinestro find themselves fending off a wave of Black Lanterns.  One of the main BLs here is Amon Sur, the dead son of dead Sinestro pal (and the guy that gave Hal his ring) Abin Sur.  That generally doesn’t improve Sinestro’s mood.

Neither does Hal himself, whom arrives (loudly, we are told) with the two members of the Indigo Tribe that spirited him away from JLA HQ in Blackest Night #3.  While the male Indigo takes off again to help protect Oa, Hal and Indigo-1 begin applying their power-combining moves on the BLs.  Carol gets in on the act and draws a cheap laugh from the audience by mocking her own uniform.

For his part, Sinestro apparently doesn’t care for flirting either.  He smacks Hal with a giant yellow mace and Hal . . . insults his haircut while making giant scissors to emphasize his own punchline.  That Hal; he’s wacky.  Indigo-1 breaks up the scuffle, but all pause as one of our burning questions is answered: the bodies inside the central Star Sapphire body ARE INDEED the bodies of Khufu and Chay-Ara, the original forms of Hawkman and Hawkgirl.

With a “RISE” and a big explosion (bye-bye, Violet Battery), the Hawks are back up in your ass   with a resurrection.  “The Predator” (whom you may remember from GL #190-192 in 1985) gets loose.  Scar gloats, and sends the hyenas, er, Black Lanterns after Indigo-1, Hal, Carol, and Sinestro.

We’re then treated to an entire page of John Stewart deciding to do something really, really stupid.

Meanwhile, our gang of four lands on Korugar.  Was it because Indigo-1 likes to sight-see?  Nope, she wants a fight.  They’ve brought Sinestro here to take on Mongul.  Grudge Match, kids!  Hal, Indigo-1 and Carol try to help Sinestro, but he refuses.  Ultimately, he doesn’t need it.  And he drops Mongul HARD.  The surviving Sinestro Corp members hail Sinestro (sycophants), but the gang’s good time is short-lived.  Sinestro points himself leader of their little group, but class elections get interrupted by two more BLs: Abin Sur, and his sister Arin.  Yes, they are gross.

Blackest Night: Titans #2:  It’s HorrorHomageapalooza on tonight’s episode of “Let’s Kill Some Titans.”  As Donna wears the semi-requesite “about to be menaced” horror uniform of tight/skimpy undergarments, the carriage continues to roll in.  It’s empty, save for a Black Lantern Rattle, because . . .turning to page two . . . Dead Daddy is holding the Dead Baby.

That’s right; there’s Terry Long in his ruffled tux finery, holding dead baby Robert.  This appears to be an attack designed for maximum emotional impact, as that’s the tux that Terry married Donna in, and Robert was already a toddler when he died, not a diaper-wearing infant.  And since, as DC’s blog The Source tells us, the Black Lanterns are NOTHING like zombies, the baby doesn’t bite Donna’s neck.  (Oh, he does?  So much confusion.)

Elsewhere, Beast Boy struggles with Terra, Cyborg struggles with Omen, and Starfire struggles against both Omen AND her costume.  Gar cleverly changes into a marten to make an escape, becomes a bird for height, and crashes down on Terra an elephant.  That’s actually not a bad strategy.  Unfortunately, Terra shakes it off and goes for Gar’s heart.  Starfire is there, and roasts the undead Ms. Markov.

Meanwhile, it Washington D.C., BL Hawk Hank Hall has ripped the heart out of Hawk Holly Granger.  I think that Dove (Dawn Granger) is in a bit of shock here, because her initial assertion of “You monster.” to BLHHH doesn’t even have an exclamation point.  By the next page, she finally gets up enough steam for interjection punctuation.  Unfortunately, it’s only just enough for Holly to come on up for the Rising.  I’d describe the look on Dawn’s face when she sees her BL sister for the first time, but I can’t.  That’s the moment that Ed Benes decides to throw in his patented “spinal contortion ass shot”.  Therefore, at this juncture, we have no idea what Dawn’s expression was, but we can see that her outfit rides up quite a bit.

Back in Donna’s room, the understatements continue.  Donna flings away the Zombie Baby (like in “Dead Alive”, only cuter) and says . . . “Robbie . . . stop.”  Not “OW!  MY NECK!” and not “Holy crap, I hope it doesn’t move through bites” and not “Bad boy!  No cookie after dinner!”  Sure, Donna’s kinda seen it all, but that’s pretty blasé for having nearly been throated by your zombie kid.

Fortunately for Donna, Bart’s on the scene.  Strangely, he notes that they heard Donna screaming.  Maybe it was when she got bitten and said, “NNNNNNNN.”  in red text.  Maybe red text is louder.  I don’t know.  Anyway, Bart and Cassie see that Donna’s neck is already turning black and pulsing (because Black Lanterns are nothing like zombies).

Outside, BL Omen is using her powers on Cyborg and Starfire, trying to make see their greatest desires.  One of them appears to be prepping for a scene in a porn film, and the other wants Dick.  You decide who was which.  BL Terra pulls herself together and uses her powers to make the Earth swallow Titans tower.  Bart and Cassie try to help Donna, who collapses with Black Hand symbols in her eyes (because. BL. Nothing. Like. Zombies).

By the end, things are getting even more bleak.  Cyborg and Starfire are incapacitated, and Omen and Terra get BL back-up in the forms of Tempest, Dolphin, Aquagirl (Tula), Pantha (now with head!) and Baby Wildebeest.  The final caption tells us that next issue gets even worse, but I’m willing to give them a chance.

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