Last week, Marvel teased a wedding coming up in June's Astonishing X-Men #51, and though it was left vague as to who would be walking down the aisle, prevalent speculation has targeted Northstar and his boyfriend, Kyle. It makes sense — new Astonishing X-Men writer Marjorie Liu has established that Northstar will be part of the book's cast, and a same-sex marriage would show that Marvel is willing to take the same progressive step that Archie took recently, in marrying off Kevin Keller in their alternate future title Life with Archie.
If Northstar and Kyle are indeed taking the plunge, to paraphrase an old saying, welcome to married life, guys: hope you survive the experience. If half of all marriages end in divorce, then half of all marriages involving the X-Men end in death, betrayal and demonic possession.
Sure, some X-Men marriages are relatively peaceful — Storm and the non-mutant Black Panther seem to have things figured out, and Captain Britain and Meggan have been going strong for quite a while. When mutant marriages go bad, they go really bad, and we're taking a look at some of the worst in X-history, in the form of fair warning to whomever is tying the knot this summer.The couple: Cyclops and Madelyne Pryor
When it happened: Uncanny X-Men #175, 1983
How it ended: Marrying a woman who is the exact double of your presumed dead girlfriend isn't the healthiest foundation for a wedded union in the first place, and unsurprisingly, things didn't turn out well for Scott Summers, in a bad place following the apparent death of Jean Grey at the end of "The Dark Phoenix Saga." Created by Chris Claremont and Paul Smith, Madelyne Pryor seemed like a nice enough lady, but when her true nature — that she's a clone of Jean Grey created by the evil and perpetually pale Mr. Sinister — was revealed, she went insane, became corrupted by a couple of demons, renamed herself "the Goblin Queen" during the "Inferno" crossover, and eventually committed suicide. You would think that would be enough to make Cyclops swear off marriage forever, and yet…The couple: Cyclops and Jean Grey
When it happened: X-Men #30, 1994
How it ended: Written by Fabian Nicieza and illustrated by Andy Kubert, the actual wedding of Cyclops and Jean Grey was one of the more peaceful ceremonies in Marvel Comics history, with nary a supervillain in sight, and mutant musician Lila Cheney playing "One" by U2 in a perfectly '90s touch. And for the most part, Scott and Jean had a pretty good marriage, if you overlook bumps in the road like Cyclops' presumed death upon merging with Apocalypse. The cracks didn't really start to show until writer Grant Morrison's run on New X-Men, when Scott embarks on a psychic affair with the former White Queen of the Hellfire Club, Emma Frost. After Jean Grey's death, Cyclops literally wasted no time in making his relationship with Emma a physical one, and they're still together in the current comic books — though no wedding yet. (Probably for the best.)The couple: Professor Xavier and Lilandra
When it happened: Uncanny X-Men #122, 1979
How it ended: You'd expect the relationship between the founder of the X-Men and the Majestrix of the Shi'ar Empire to be a complicated one, and it was. In sort of a precursor to online dating, Lilandra actually contacted Xavier from across the galaxy, looking for help in her struggles against her treacherous siblings D'Ken and Deathbird. Upon finally meeting "IRL," the two fell in love and Xavier became her "consort" — roughly the Shi'ar equivalent of a marriage, even if it may not have technically "counted" back on Earth. But that was overturned as a result of Cassandra Nova — Xavier's kinda-sorta-twin sister that he fought in the womb — mind controlling Lilandra (again, during Morrison's New X-Men). And now, as of 2009's War of Kings miniseries, Lilandra's dead. Poor Chuck.The couple: Havok and Polaris
When it (almost) happened: Uncanny X-Men #425, 2003
How it ended: Havok and Polaris had been a couple since the '60s, and after Havok emerged from a coma following his return from a parallel universe (it happens), they were ready to finally make it official during writer Chuck Austen's time on Uncanny X-Men. Only one thing stood in their way: Annie Ghazikhanian, a nurse who looked after Havok while he was comatose. It turns out that Havok — Cylcops' brother Alex Summers, so relationship troubles truly run in the family — reciprocated those feelings, so he left Polaris at the altar, which led to her briefly flirting with supervillainy. They're back together now and once again part of Peter David's X-Factor, though Polaris is surely looking over her shoulder for any sign of medical professionals.The couple: Wolverine and Viper
When it happened: Wolverine #125, 1998
How it ended: Wolverine has had many, many, many lovers over his long life — including Mariko Yashida, who he very nearly wedded — he's only been married once (that we know of) and it was to the villainous Madame Hydra, Viper, in a story by Claremont and artist Leinil Francis Yu. It wasn't out of love, but rather blackmail, and Wolverine in turn bargained with her in order to get a divorce — actually, this might be the most normal X-Men marriage of all.Got a comment? There's lots of conversation on Newsarama's FACEBOOK and TWITTER!