Hey, That's My Cape!: Superhero Take Your Kid to Work Day

HTMC: Superhero Take Your Kid to Work

Take Your Daughter to Work Day (which is now Take Our Daughters and Sons to Work Day) is celebrated on the fourth Thursday in April every year. I used to go with my mom or dad to work whenever it came up but that was mostly so I didn’t have to go to school. I guess you’re actually, I don’t know, supposed to learn something about careers or some such nonsense. For most kids I know, it basically instilled in them the urge to never actually work a day in their lives because they saw how boring it could be.

But I digress. For those parents who had different or exciting jobs, I’m sure Take Our Daughters and Sons to Work Day is a fun experience. So that got me thinking. Pretty much every kid at one time or another says they want to be a superhero when they grow up. What about the children OF superheroes? Do they want to be just like mommy or daddy or do they want to go in the opposite direction?

Not all of our favorite superheroes have children of course but for the sake of arguments (and a longer column) we’re going to pretend they had enough time to pop out a few. These kids are all in their adolescent/pre-teen years and also for the sake of arguments, don’t have their own powers. At least not yet. And for those that actually do have kids in the comics, I’m pretending they don’t exist, as I’m sure some of you do now and then.

Ant-Man – I gotta admit, having a father who can shrink you down and have tiny adventures with is pretty cool. Or conversely, giant-sized adventures. Hank Pym’s daughter jumped at the chance to spend the day at work with her dad. She got to follow him on a trip inside their dog’s brain (“Eww!” was her first comment) and onto his back to see if they’d really gotten rid of those fleas. They also took a trip to her own grade school as a giant. This was the perfect opportunity to give a few bullies a stern talking to. On top of the flag pole. She hasn’t had a problem since.

Ravager – For Ravager’s daughter, Take Our Daughters and Sons to Work Day is more like How to Hunt Down Your Grandfather Day. The ol’ rascal. First thing’s first. Weapons practice. Then comes tracking. Then a break for PB&J. Then some more weapons. Finally they set out to find Granpa Slade only to find out he’s been spying on them all day. Rose’s daughter takes off one of his ears. For spite.

Guy Gardner – Speaking of bad influences, Guy as a father? Oh boy. Sure, flying through new galaxies sounds like fun but what Guy had in mind for his son’s day was learning the ropes at Warriors. You know, his bar. Getting to know the regulars, like Morn, was first on the agenda, then learning their favorite drinks. But most importantly, Guy’s son had to learn about the greatest band in history - Mötley Crüe. All poor Guy’s son wanted to do was eat the maraschino cherries.

Kingpin – What? You thought only heroes brought their kids to work? Somebody’s got to take over the family business once Fisk is gone and it might as well be his clever daughter. They spend the morning going over “the books” and discussing who’s more annoying, Daredevil or Spider-Man, until they’re interrupted by an employee who’s been late on some payments. Fisk decides to let his little girl handle this one. She picks up daddy’s Obliterator Cane and whacks the employee in the nuts with it. “Yes, she’ll do just fine,” laughs Kingpin.

Power Girl – Karen’s son gets double duty on this particular day seeing as how she now serves as the head of Starrware Industries as well as keeping up with her normal superhero responsibilities. He got to check out some cool new inventions in R&D, sit at the head chair at a board meeting and even chase after mommy’s cat. Then it was off to help repair a giant sinkhole in the middle of downtown. But after hearing about his mother’s chest for the twentieth time PG decides it’s time to call it a day and let public works take over. When they get back home he asks, “Mommy, why are breasts so great?” To which PG answers, “It’s one of life’s great mysteries honey. And something you won’t be thinking about for another twenty years if I can help it. Now brush your teeth.”

Thing – While Ben does take his job in the Fantastic Four very seriously, he decided Take Our Daughters and Sons to Work Day would be spent best doing what kids like best. Clobberin’ stuff. Ben would build a Lego fortress, his son would smash it down. Ben would set up a train set, his son would cause a train wreck. Ben would walk out of the room, his son would break Reed’s $6 million thermal resonator. That’s when Ben decided to take his son out for ice cream.

Batman – It’s hard to imagine Bruce with a child even though he’s got one in the comics. Though I envision his day with his daughter more like one days worth of this kind of conversation instead of asking to stab things like Damian does.

Daughter: Daddy, what’s this button do?

Batman: Don’t touch that.

Daughter: Daddy, can I play with a batarang?

Batman: No.

Daughter: Daddy, can I be Harley Quinn for Halloween?

Batman: No.

Daughter: Daddy?

Batman: Yes?

Daughter: I like your Bat-nose. *boop* “giggle*

Batman: Hrm.

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