Comic Book Crossover Couplings: Hook-Ups on Infinite Earths
Comic Book Crossover Couplings
For decades, comic book fans and creators alike have dreamed up seemingly impossible fights and team-ups between characters from different companies and different fictional universes. Some even actually get published: Superman vs. The Amazing Spider-Man. Batman vs. The Incredible Hulk. Archie Meets the Punisher.
This Valentine’s Day, we’re thinking up something decidedly less violent over here at Newsarama, and delving deep into our comic collections to find the best, never-in-your-wildest dreams, intercompany crossover couplings. It’s been said that “true love knows no bounds,” so why should something like copyrights get in the way of romance?
Disregarding the constraints of continuity, here are our 10 dream dates across the comic book universe.
Wonder Woman (DC Comics) & Thor (Marvel Comics): Writers always want to fix these two powerhouses up with puny humans, but who would be a better match for a mythology-based warrior than another one? Or as Thor would put it, "Woman, thoust art my equal! Thy dearth of clothing beseeches me! Come hither and wrap thine fullsome limbs about me!" Aside from the physical match, they both also know how to deal with the petty quarrels and manipulative actions of the gods. Plus, at the risk of being too graphic, just think of all the thunder they'd create the first time she lassoes his hammer.
Iron Man (Marvel Comics) & Oracle (DC Comics): Between Pepper Potts, Bethany Cabe and Black Widow, Tony Stark clearly has a thing for redheads. And there are few characters of any hair color with the type of gadget and technology know-how as Barbara Gordon, so there’s obvious common ground there. Of course, as Potts well knows, it’s hard to get Iron Man to settle down and abandon his steady diet of random floozies. Still, Barabra and Tony would at least have some fun over dinner, recommending phone apps and debating net neutrality before Tony sneaked off with one of the female pros from Dancing with the Stars. (Oracle probably had more important matters to tend to anyway.)
Duplicate Damsel (DC Comisc) & Multiple Man (Marvel Comics): We've heard of "50 first dates" before, but Luornu and Madrox could have all 50 dates at the same time! Ever since the former Legion of Super-Heroes' "Triplicate Girl" found out she has the power to make multiple copies of herself, this match has been begging to happen. Within the pages of X-Factor, Madrox doesn't have a very good history with women. But with Luornu, he'll meet his match again, and again, and again, and again, and again… and with odds like that, at least some of their dupes should live happily ever after.
Booster Gold (DC Comics) & Squirrel Girl (Marvel Comics): Both of these characters are treated like walking jokes by almost all of their superhero peers, despite consistently proving themselves as more than capable. Booster Gold’s regular gig is fixing the timestream and you may have heard that one time Squirrel Girl defeated Dr. Doom. Despite their Rodney Dangerfield-esque lack of respect, they’ve both managed to find their way to lofty positions: Booster as a member of the Justice League, and Squirrel Girl as Jessica Jones and Luke Cage’s nanny in New Avengers. They’d really be able to understand each other, and if eHarmony commercials have taught the world anything, it’s that kind of emotional nonsense that really makes for a solid relationship.
Scarlet Witch (Marvel Comics) & Robotman (DC Comics): In DC's Doom Patrol, Robotman always feels like an outcast because he no longer has a human body. But Scarlet Witch likes her men in robot bodies. Besides, the Doom Patrol would be a perfect fit for Wanda, giving her an outlet for her reality-bending powers — and an on-staff psychologist for all her mommy issues. Last we saw in Avengers: The Children's Crusade, Wolverine was about to kill Scarlet Witch, to rid the Marvel Universe of her dangerous "no-more-mutant" powers. Why not instead send her to Cliff and the DCU? Not many mutants there anyway.
Morning Glory Academy (Image Comics) & Avengers Academy (Marvel Comics): No need to spike the punch at this high-school dance between the crews from Avengers Academy and Morning Glories. Two groups of teen students; three guys and three girls each. One from a mysteriously sinister boarding school, the other would-be-villains in training as heroes. Both with pronounced streaks of moral ambiguity. All of this adds up a Skins-type controversy sure to make anyone around it uncomfortable. Ike, Finesse, we’re going to need to some daylight between you two on the dance floor.
Edwin Jarvis (Marvel Comics) & Ma Hunkel (DC Comics): Edwin Jarvis, the ever-present assistant to the Avengers, may have finally met his match in Ma Hunkel, the granny-in-a-business-suit who acts as assistant to the Justice Society of America. She's got a little down-home lovin' to help him get over his Skrull abduction, and the two could exchange recipes and hero-handling tips while fighting pesky villains in their own special way.
Damian Wayne (DC Comics) & Valeria Richards (Marvel Comics): Having become Robin at age 10, Bruce Wayne’s son is undoubtedly wise beyond his years, proving himself to be a proficient martial artist, engineer and businessman. It’s hard to imagine too many other kids he could carry on a conversation with, let alone exchange a "Let's Bee Friends" Valentine — other than the daughter of Mr. Fantastic and Invisible Woman, who despite her young age is already an inventor and scientist at a level rivaling her mega-super-genius dad. (Of course, this play date would require plenty of adult supervision in the form of Dick Grayson and Ben Grimm.)
Echo (Abstract Studio) & Firestorm (DC Comics): In Terry Moore's independent sci-fi series Echo, Julie Martin ends up being fused with the nucleic essence of Dr. Annie Trotter, stuck together in the same body. Julie's divorced, and Annie's unable to really connect with her boyfriend anymore. So what's a pair of fused girls to do? Easy — hook up with DC's Firestorm, where Ronnie Raymond and Jason Rusch are stuck sharing the same body in a similar way. Ronnie could save the world with Julie, and brainy Jason would meet his match in genius Annie. It's the ultimate double date!
Larfleeze (DC Comics) & Eternity (Marvel Comics): As the wielder of the orange light of avarice, Larfleeze is driven by a singular goal to accumulate everything he can. You would think that he’d never be satisfied by a romantic partner, right? Wrong. Larfleeze’s obvious soulmate is Eternity, the physical embodiment of all creation in the Marvel Universe and the very definition of someone with a lot to offer. Who do you pair with the man who wants everything? Well, how about… everything. Be “MINE,” indeed.