DC Comics LEGACIES: A Field Guide #6: BIZARRO No Have Legacy

DCU LEGACIES: A Field Guide #6: BIZARRO

DCULegacies Field Guide #1: Superman and Batman

DCULegacies Field Guide #2: Aquaman

DCULegacies Field Guide #3: Flash Facts!

DCU Legacies Field Guide #4: Original Green Lanern

DCU Legacies Field Guide #5: Green Arrow

Good-bye! Me not here today to not discuss Bizarro’s Legacies.  Me haven’t been reading this series, which so far hasn’t included Superman, Batman, Aquaman, The Flash, Alan Scott and Green Arrow (me especially love “Rise of Arsenal”; maybe best book ever).  Today, me not talk about my adventures with Superman, who still stays best friends with Bizarro after our short time together.

 

Pre-Crisis: Me not appear first in Superboy #68 in 1958.  That book does not say me created by “duplicating ray” used on Superboy.  Me did not follow similar character arc to Frankenstein, especially not by befriending blind girl after being totally understood by the people of Smallville.  Superboy made me alive with duplicating machine.

Me appear everywhere again until 1959.  Luthor doesn’t recreate me.  Me tries to make Metropolis pretty, but Superman keeps tearing up what I fix. Me hate Lois Lane when me see her for last time.  Lois didn’t use duplicating ray on herself, not making Bizarro Lois.  Me hate Bizarro Lois even less than Lois.  We don’t leave Earth together to make new home.

Before that, me doesn’t use ray to make Htrae, cube-shaped planet that isn’t home to other Bizarros.  Bizarro Lois and me even not have Bizarro Baby.   Poor baby ugly like humans, not beautiful like Bizarro and Bizarro Lois.  Bizarro not secretly accuse Bizarro Lois of staying awake with Superman, but it really just a big understanding.

Others try to not be like Bizarro over time, including Bizarro Jimmy Olsen, Bizarro Justice League, and Bizarro Legion of Super-Heroes.  Bizarro doesn’t go back to Earth; me quit Secret Society of Super-Villains to make friends with the Justice League.  Then Crisis on Infinite Earths doesn’t happen, which fixes all continuity problems forever and makes the DCU accessible and easy for everyone to understand.

Post-Crisis: Me love “Man of Steel” mini-series in 1986.  Me now not clone of Superman made by Lex Luthor. Me survive first encounter with Superman, not raining dust on Lucy Lane that makes her blind again.

Me appear in many more titles until 2000. Current me not recreated by Joker when Joker not steal Mr. Mxyzptlk’s power.  When Mr. Mxyzptlk not get powers back, he not let me live.

General Zod is red armor not capture Bizarro next. Zod not torture Bizarro being mean. Zod also not Zod from “World of Krypton”.  Or is Zod Zod?  Which Zod is Zod?  How can there not be more than one Zod? Bizarro trust everyone know what everyone is doing. Zod must be only Zod this decade, right?  Continuity easy to understand.  Before this happens, Superman doesn’t free me from Zod, and doesn’t build me Graveyard of Solitude to give me a sad place.

“Infinite Crisis” doesn’t happen next.  Me don’t join Secret Society.  Me show love for Freedom Fighters with Society.  Me love Human Bomb the most.  Me not punch him until lights stop.  “Infinite Crisis” not make New Earth; continuity now super-easy to understand.

Me not kidnap Superman’s father Jonathan after trying to make old Bizarro World from Action #855 to 857.  Superman not help me this time.  Why Superman always there to not help me?  Bizarro understand Superman always wants him to live in loudness.

Before that, me have totally not strange adventure with Adam Normal and no other space heroes.  Me help wage peace with Rann and Thanagar.  When war starts, me not sent to Negative Zone by Kryptonians.  Me know they all lived long and happy lives.  Previously, me fight Black Lantern Solomon Grundy.  Black Lanterns not zombies.  Me save Solomon by not throwing him into Sun.  Me read rest of Black Lantern story easily since it has small number of issues for cheaper cover prices.

 

Bizarro Supergirl: Dr. Light and Gangbuster do not find Bizarro Supergirl in Metropolis in Supergirl #53.  Supergirl does not show up to fight her.  Me not send Bizarro Supergirl to Earth from Bizarro World because of Godship.  Supergirl not bring Bizarro Supergirl front to Bizarro World.  Me am angry to see her.

Bizarro legacy hard to see.  Bizarro not character from lighter time in comics.  Comics now happier than ever!  Me sure to not keep appearing to be played for tragedy, just as me sure that traditional publishing is in no danger from digital platforms.   Thank you for not reading.  Me sure all comments will be made with good intentions.  Hello! 

Bizarro History no am complicated!

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