Hey, That's My Cape! - TEEN TITANS Summer Break

Nicola Scott Talks TEEN TITANS

It’s that time of year again. Kids across the country are heading back to school. Shopping for new binders, backpacks and sneakers is hopefully done by now. The really young students might be excited but teenagers know better. Their freedom is gone, it’s back to waking up at the crack of dawn and countless hours of homework. It’s not fair but at least it means they can quit their crappy summer jobs. Unless they’re a Teen Titan, they work year round.

However, it’s important to note that the Teen Titans are severely lacking in any education whatsoever. Especially in their team book, we rarely see them studying or in a classroom. (Although Superboy was recently spotted back in Smallville High.) But they’re superheroes, they have to be granted some leniency I suppose. I just hope I’m not the one that dies in the hostage situation because Kid Flash flunked Algebra.

So the Teen Titans don’t really attend school, but they don’t have real jobs either. They spend their days saving lives and not getting paid for it just like every other superhero. Then what would the Teen Titans be doing to earn some extra cash over the summer? I have a few ideas.

Raven trained to be a lifeguard at the beach but kept herself wrapped in her cloak and mostly sent her “soul-self” out for rescues because she didn’t want to get sunburned. She thought it would be the optimum place for her mental well being, after all, people go to the beach to relax. What she wasn’t expecting were the screaming kids and lewd thoughts coming from every direction when a hot girl in a bikini would walk by some dude. Needless to say, peace and quiet didn’t last long as her emotions got out of control and daddy Trigon showed up.

Superboy, recently back from the dead, took a different approach. Conner has a new outlook on what it means to be alive so instead of taking on any old menial task, he decided to do as much volunteer work as possible. And considering his speed and strength you can imagine how much got done. He visited the Gulf Coast, orphans overseas and teamed up with habitat for humanity to build over one hundred homes single-handedly. Too bad LexCorp came and bulldozed the houses soon after claiming they were the legal owners of the land.

Someone like Wonder Girl probably could have gotten just about any job she wanted but decided to take a traditional one instead – babysitting. Not a bad gig all things considered. Of course it’s more work in the summer because the kids are home from school and have a lot of time to get bored if you’re not careful. Not wanting to reveal her secret identity to her clients, doing something like flying the kids around for fun was out of the question. After a particularly tiring afternoon of Wii Sports, Cassie fell asleep on the recliner only to wake up tied to it by her own lasso. It’s safe to say she won’t be getting a recommendation to watch the neighbors’ kids any time soon.

Being a shape shifting, green metahuman makes finding jobs a bit difficult but Beast Boy applied for a job at the local zoo thinking he’d fit right in. When Human Resources took him on a tour they found out the animals were extremely disturbed by his presence and decided not to hire him. The animals were probably just jealous they only had the one form. Depressed, Gar spent the summer giving pony rides to kids at the local carnival praying no one he knew would see him.

Ravager’s not exactly what you’d call a people person but she took a job in retail thinking it would be easy. She was working at the mall until a group of rich socialites spending daddy’s money laughed at her eye-patch and she slaughtered them. It wasn’t so much the murders that got her fired but the blood splatter on all the merchandise. It’s too bad too, she was totally on her way to assistant manager.

Kid Flash might have had the toughest job of all. He originally signed up to be a postal worker but was soon pushed out by angry employees who thought he made them look bad by returning to the post office before they even finished sorting their route’s mail. The same went for a lot of other jobs so he eventually had to resort to the dreaded fast food industry. It was like waiting for paint to dry for him. After all, it doesn’t matter how fast YOU are, you still have to wait for the food to be cooked.

Thankfully the Teen Titans have some sort of magical income and don’t actually have to get jobs. They’re great at saving the day (well, usually) but I wouldn’t want any of them working for me.

How do you think other characters' summer jobs would go?

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