Some people grow up with horrendous fathers. Some grow up with no father at all. Fortunately enough, the stork left me on the porch of a pretty good one. Sure, he didn’t let me stay out all night (I am his only daughter after all) but he did let me cook up all sorts of peculiar concoctions in his old restaurant and test them out on his customers. How awesome is that? Well, not for the customers.
Considering Father’s Day is just around the corner, I thought I’d try and work my dad into the column somehow but there’s just one problem. He’s not into comic books or superheroes at all. Hmm. I thought about highlighting some of the great dads in comic history but I’m sure lots of people will be doing the same thing this week.
However, I couldn’t resist imagining what it would be like if I had a superhero for a dad. For better or for worse.
First of all, there are a few characters I wouldn’t want as my father so we’re just going to take all villains off the table right now. Sure, it might be a laugh for a while but eventually you’d either end up one yourself, testifying against him at his murder trial or worse. If you want a villain as your father, well, I don’t have enough time for all of your issues. Go see a therapist.
As far as non-villains, Iron Man ranks high on the list of “Please God, don’t let the paternity test say you’re my father!” He’s rich, which you think should put him in the favorable category, but as the saying goes, “money can’t buy you love.” It also can’t buy you time with one of the busiest men on the planet. Plus, I don’t know about you but if I had a choice between a drunk dad and a sober dad, I’d take the sober dad any day.
Martian Manhunter is another dad I wouldn’t be able to handle for one very simple reason – telepathy. You’d never be able to get away with anything! Lame.
Instead of not being able to get away with anything, how about getting away with everything? I could easily see Guy Gardner, Gambit, Lobo and Wildcat being that dad who let you drive the family car even though you were too short to reach the pedals and give you your first beer when you were only nine-years-old (not to mention offer your friends one when they came over to play Wii). They’d also be the dads, though, who blame you for the broken vase when your mom got home.
Then there’s the ones you could totally take advantage of because they didn’t know any better or were just too nice to stop you. Ralph Dibny and Flycatcher from Fables strike me as those kinds of dads but I could never benefit from it because I’m not that kind of daughter (Blast my conscience!).
Having a dad who can make you laugh is one of the best things a kid could ask for. I bet Morph, Plastic Man and The Thing would totally be handy in that department. They’re almost like kids themselves. Speaking of which, how cool would it be if Captain Marvel was your dad? Not only could he have played with you on equal level as Billy Batson when you were younger, but if anyone was hassling you at school you were one “Shazam!” away from your own personal bully repellant.
For me though, there are a few comic book characters who stand out as the cream of the crop. It just so happens that they’re all fathers or father figures already. Go figure. I’d love to have Animal Man, Mister Fantastic, Professor Xavier or Alfred Pennyworth (I know he’s not a superhero but come on, how awesome is he?) be my fictional father. I see a little bit of my dad in each one of them.
But if I absolutely had to choose one superhero to be my dad it would be Wally West. His dedication to Jai and Iris is a trait everyone wants for themselves, not to mention a loving relationship with their mom Linda. It’s rare you get such a traditional family in comics, so seeing Wally giving those kids 110% while kicking the Rogues’ asses, that’s definitely worth more than a tool belt and breakfast in bed.
What do you think of Jill's Choice? Who would be your ideal super-dad?