WEARS WHATEVER A SPIDER CAN1 of 12A while back Marvel announced that its recently wrapped miniseries Spider-Man: Dead No More would launch a new Scarlet Spider ongoing series starring Ben Reilly.
The announcement came with a new look for Reilly, which some fans quickly decried. Shortly after that, Marvel announced that Reilly would return to his iconic sweatshirt-and-tights combo by the end of the title's first arc.
That got us thinking about other terrible Spider-Man costumes. Spidey's base look is one of the best costumes of all time - but it doesn't take much to send it off the rails. While we could do a whole list of just Spidey's spin-off characters, we limited ourself to just Spider-Man himself - even if it's not Peter Parker under the mask.
Parker Industries2 of 12OK, we'll admit - the Parker Industries suit isn't exactly terrible, but it does exemplify the traps that many bad Spidey-redesigns fall into.
From the excessive glowy-bits, to the texture, to the new "edginess" of the angles, this version of Spider-Man's costume just complicates a classic.
So while Spidey's latest look isn't the worst ever, it really just adds up to a second-rate version of one of the best outfits of all time.
70s TV3 of 12Nicholas Hammond's Spider-Man suit was the first live-action costume for the wall-crawler, which is sad because it also happens to suck.
It's got the look mostly right, but the exposed webshooter and utility belt are very strange choices, considering they do more to make the suit look fake than anything else. And then there's those weird collander-type eye buckets on the mask...
This suit has its fans, and was much more charming when a version of it was used in a Japanese sentai show where Suppaidaman had a shape-shifting robot named "Leopardon."
Ends of the Earth/Big Time4 of 12Dan Slott has been writing Spider-Man for nearly a decade and in that time, he's tried a lot of weird stuff, including these very bad costumes.
First up there's his "Big Time" suit that has stealth capabilities which it activates by glowing very bright green - further proof that 9 times out of 10 "stealth" is code for "stupid."
Then of course there's his "Ends of the Earth" armor, which has a cool purpose, in that it brings in countermeasures to the specific powers of the Sinister Six, but also looks like a knock-off Power Ranger toy.
Spider-Man Unlimited5 of 12Apparently, when Peter Parker has no limits, when he is living a #noholdsbarred lifestyle, he uses his vast intellect to completely step all over his classic style.
Created for the Spider-Man Unlimited animated series, this is the costume Peter Parker has in an alternate reality where not only is Spider-Man unrecognizable, but he's neck deep in the most bizarre, byzantine corner of Marvel lore.
Anyway, Peter Parker pulled a George Lucas and just couldn't help "touching up" his look by adding tubes, black squares, and a web-cape.
So much for "special edition."
Spider-Man 22116 of 12Peter Parker's success at making a Spider-Man costume is almost unquestionably a fluke, because nearly everyone besides him who claims the mantle really messes it up - especially this buckethead from the future.
It's hard to say the Spider-Man of 2211 necessarily has a weirder costume than the much more successful one of 2099, but where that suit is weird in all the right ways, this one has a flying saucer hat and a bunch of fat mechanical hands.
Iron Spider7 of 12Tony Stark is an idea man, and unfortunately for Peter Parker, most of those ideas basically involve remaking everything in sight into his own image.
The so-called "Iron Spider" has its fans (and some people also like to eat chopped liver), but the Iron Man color scheme apparently only works for Tony Stark himself - unless Peter Parker is planning on hitting the slopes.
Secret War/Fear Itself8 of 12Two great tastes that taste *@#&^%$! terrible together. Also apart.
On one hand, you've got this slinky Secret War stealth number, because nothing says "human spider" like electric blue tiger stripes.
Then there's Spidey's Asgardian Fear Itself number that accentuates his non-lethal crimefighting ethos by sticking giant spikes on the ends of his arms.
Spider-Armor9 of 12Is he strong? Listen dude
He is wearing that metal suit
Can he swing from a thread?
Well not really because this thing weighs a ton.
Beach Spider-Man10 of 12Look at this absolute chiller. Just coolin' off in the summer heat with his spider-BBQ and his certainly very comfortable mask.
The real question is, who was this toy meant to appeal to? Are there a lot of kids just dying to pit Beach Bingo Spider-Man against Tropical Lava Hobgoblin and Bikini Atoll Doc Ock?
Turkish Spider-Man11 of 12Technically, this Spider-Man is the first big-screen version of the wall-crawler - but he's less "friendly neighborhood" and more "what the hell am I looking at?"
This nightmare-feuled pajama party of a costume comes from the Turkish film 3 Dev Adam, which roughly translates to "3 Dangerous Men." In 3 Dev Adam, Captain America and infamous luchador Santo go up against an evil version of Spider-Man, who, if you couldn't tell from the fact that he looks like he should be driving a getaway snowmobile, is depicted right here.
Yeah, maybe it's a bit of a cheat to include a look from what is essentially a Turkish fan-film from the 70s, but writer Dan Slott and artist Kris Anka made the character legit by giving him a cameo in Spider-Verse #2.
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