Happy Turkey Day!1 of 12This week marks Thanksgiving in the United States, a celebration where families and friends all over the country come together to eat turkey, ham, stuffing, mashed potatoes, and more - and hopefully enjoy some harmonious company with their loved ones.
But it doesn't always work out that way. Inevitably, someone spills a family secret, talk turns to politics, or somebody has a little too much too drink.
To minimize those kind of SNAFUs, there are certain comic book characters you'll want to avoid inviting to family dinner this year.
If any of them show up, don't say we didn't warn you!
Popeye2 of 12Have you ever had a cartoon sailor over for dinner? Not even your grandfather would be able to decipher Popeye’s weird 1930s drawl.
On the plus side, he’d be all over your aunt’s creamed spinach dish that the rest of your family won’t touch.
You just better hope he doesn’t have Wimpy tagging along. Say goodbye to the idea of leftovers…
Combo Man3 of 12What’s that? You’ve never heard of Combo Man, the breakout character find of 1996? Strap in, because you’re in for the ride of your life.
Combo Man was once an ordinary college student named Rick Wilder who stumbled across a device designed to “unlock human potential” while running from AIM. After finding the device, Rick decided he was hungry, and finding the lab well stocked with those stuffed cracker snacks known as Combos, he devoured one, activating the device and somehow merging with the stack of comic books he was carrying.
Like the Turducken of comic books, this gave Rick the powers of a dozen superheroes, including, inexplicably, the Punisher (what do those powers amount to? A bad attitude? An inherent collection of firearms?), and, like Spider-Man, Batman, and the greatest heroes before him, Rick took a name inspired by the source of his power – Combo Man.
Anyway, don’t invite him to Thanksgiving because if this is what happens when he eats Combos, imagine what happens when he eats turkey.
Jughead4 of 12Everyone has a picky cousin who hates cranberry sauce, stuffing, and even turkey and eats only mashed potatoes at Thanksgiving dinner – but Jughead’s constant demands for hamburgers would likely drive even the most patient family chefs up a wall.
And then, when his demands aren’t met and he has to settle for more traditional Thanksgiving fare, he’ll make sure to scarf down his food and everyone else’s.
Condiment King5 of 12Every family has some traditional recipes that they all bring to Thanksgiving, and every family takes pride in the feast they prepare.
So imagine your grandma’s abject horror when this guy is slathering everything in ketchup and dijon mustard?
The good news is, this guy has been seen so rarely that he likely wouldn’t stay for long.
The Blob6 of 12Look, we know Fred Dukes can’t help his size – it’s part of his mutant power. And even if he could, that’s no reason not to welcome someone to your Thanksgiving feast.
No, the real reason you don’t want the not-so-affectionately nicknamed “Blob” at your family’s get together is that he’s widely known as a rude, uncouth jerk – the kind of guy who will relentlessly hit on your aunt in front of her new husband and use up all the gravy.
And just wait for him to snore his way through your family’s annual viewing of Planes, Trains, & Automobiles.
Matter-Eater Lad7 of 12Tenzil Kem is known to be a gregarious and kind dinner guest, so why not have him over for Thanksgivin?
Well, because Matter-Eater Lad (most literal superhero name ever?) has the power to eat literally anything – meaning he won’t just eat every last scrap of turkey and crumb of stuffing, he’s liable to move on to the silverware, napkins, plates – maybe even the table itself.
Flag-Smasher8 of 12Everyone has that weird uncle who just can’t shut up about politics while the family is trying to eat, but trust us – your conspiracy nut uncle has nothing on Flag-Smasher.
Somehow both an anarchist and a fascist, Flag-Smasher believes that nationalism is the root of governmental evil, and that the world should be united under his iron fist.
In other words, no matter which side of the political aisle you’re on, this guy’s got some choice viewpoints that will make everyone’s blood boil.
On second thought, for some families, having a common enemy might not be so bad this year.
Spider-Ham & Howard the Duck9 of 12Peter Porker and Howard the Duck might actually make for great Thanksgiving company, but just imagine the looks on their faces as you start carving up your delicious holiday meats…
Tony Chu10 of 12Honestly, the main reason you don’t want to invite Tony Chu to dinner is for his own sake. As a food psychic, Chu learns the entire life cycle of everything he eats, whether he wants to or not.
Sure, Thanksgiving is supposed to be include a history lesson about the roots of America, but we’re betting poor Tony doesn’t want to relive everything his turkey dinner has been through to make it to the table.
And you don’t want to force him to be rude by refusing a plate, do you?
Galactus11 of 12Raise your hand if your mom wouldn’t mind throwing an extra fully-populated planet into the oven for Galactus this year. No one? We’re not surprised.
If the fact that Galactus subsists on the life-force of the universe isn’t enough of a deterrent, he’s also like a hundred feet tall.
Suddenly finding enough chairs for all your cousins doesn’t seem like such a challenge, does it?
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