Gay GL? Try These 10 Media-Friendly Comic 'Controversies'1 of 12By Newsarama Staff
The mainstream media loves a good ol' fashion comic book controversy, even if the "controversy" really isn't that controversial.
Over the last few weeks the media has reported with heightened interest the outing of Golden Age Green Lantern and now minor DC character Alan Scott and the same-sex wedding of Marvel's Northstar, a minor X-Men player whose sexual orientation has been public for 20 years now.
With all due apologies to the 40,000 dudes who reputedly make up the One Million Moms organization, even the writer responsible for Scott's new orientation doesn't think it's all that big of a deal. ...the fact that it's gotten all this attention, I'm honestly a little surprised by it, Earth 2 writer James Robison recently told Newsarama.
But nonetheless, it has gotten media attention, with no doubt a corresponding rise in sales which hey, we can certainly get behind. So as a public service to both comic book publishers and the mainstream media, here are 10 more ideas for some comic book retcons of well-known and loved characters designed to illicit some sweet, lucrative controversial topicality.
THE WALKING DEAD ZOMBIES...2 of 12... are hordes of mindless, soulless agents of destruction devouring everything and anything in their path, who can only be stopped with extreme measures from spreading their viral mindset and insatiable hunger to every person in the country and later around the world.
What if Robert Kirkman and, subsequently, AMC's The Walking Dead's TV series revealed them to be Atlanta chapter of the Tea Party?
That'll give Fox & Friends something to talk about.
NEW YORK MAYOR J. JONAH JAMESON BANS...3 of 12...Hostess Fruit Pies.
Hey, if Bloomberg can outlaw Big Gulps, what's to stop JJJ from banning other sugary snack foods? Like the venerable fruit-flavored pies that have helped thwart dozens of nefarious supervillain plots over the years?
The cities crime rate would escalate; superheroes would always be hungry, and...
... OK, we're about 25 years away from topical on this one, but Top 9s just don't have the same ring to them. Cut us a break, will ya?
THE FRIENDLY NEIGHBORHOOD SPIDER-MAN IS IN FACT...4 of 12... a deadbeat, serial violator of the BMG Music Services Terms of Service.
That's right. Everyone's favorite, wisecracking, wall-crawler has not purchased four CDs in the requisite three years, and he continually fails to opt out of the Selection of the Month and has now been mailed dozens of CDs he has not paid for.
Of course, Mary Jane opened the account in his name when they were married, and he simply forgot he was signed up, but that's beside the point. (Only 20 years away from topical on that one.)
SUPERMAN'S FATHER JOR-EL...5 of 12...is one of the most revered figures in comic books. In just a few panels in 1938's Action Comics #1 he saves this only son from the destruction of the planet Krypton, giving the known-universe its greatest champion. He's quite frankly one of the most noble characters comic books have ever produced.
So how will the world react if it's revealed in a new Superman origin story that Jor-El strapped Krypto in a crate to the top of Kal-El's rocketship!?
MSNBC, fire-up your outrage machines. PETA, start magic-markering your protest signs. This is going to kill any political aspirations Jor-El ever had if he hadn't blown up, many, many years and million of light years away.
IT'S REVEALED THAT BILLIONAIRE TONY STARK...6 of 12...pays a lower federal income tax rate than Pepper Potts!
Here's a guy whose power source to his own de facto artificial heart was killing him, so what does he do? He invents a new element.
You don't think a guy that can update the freakin' periodic table can't find tax loopholes on a 1040 long form?
Sure, he may save the world from the wrath of invading aliens as often as you I change the batteries in our remotes, but wait until the middle class finds out he's only paying capital gains tax on all the income generated by the arc reactor.
BATMAN, THE DARK KNIGHT, IS REVEALED TO BE...7 of 12...a repeat offender of the Justice League's policy against performing-enhancing drugs.
Look, he's the only guy without superpowers. He needs some sort of edge, doesn't he? Maybe he testifies in front of a special Senate hearing on Superheroes, Kids and PED's and swears under oath that's he's never taken steroids, but then Barry Allen finds a hypodermic needle in the trunk of the Batmobile?
Alfred testifying against Batman at the perjury trial, Batman later claiming he just took HGH to help heal a torn rotator cuff, Batman being band from induction into the Hall of Justice...
This one's a natural (so to speak).
WHAT IF DC REVEALED ONE OF ITS SUPERHEROES...8 of 12... starring in a solo ongoing series, was really Judas Iscariot, you know the worldwide cultural embodiment of betrayal, who kissed Jesus Christ and turned him over to the Sanhedrin for 30 pieces of Silver.
What if they made him a comic book superhero?
IF HAL JORDAN, GREEN LANTERN OF SECTOR 2814...9 of 12... has to face a recall election?
The citizens of the sector think Hal Jordan is beholden to one private interest group Earth! and they want a new Lantern that will serve the interests of all life forms around the galaxy.
The necessary 30 trillion petition signatures are obtained and with the Guardians of the Universe recently passing a law allowing for the formation of superhero PACs, money pours in and little sector 2814 is watched closely as an election with universal implication.
If Governor Scott Walker's recall election in Wisconsin could prove to be quite as dramatic as the news reports would have us believe, then imagine how exciting it would be to see Hal Jordan have to fight for his right to be Green Lantern again! The collective citizens of one of the more obscure planets in Sector 2814 could present the Guardians of the Universe with a petition claiming that Jordan is too obsessed with Earth to do his job properly, leading to the dramatic tension as the Justice League stand powerless awaiting the results of an election that could see the end of one hero's career.
CAPTAIN AMERICA CAN'T PRODUCE...10 of 12...his long-form birth certificate!
Dude was born in the 1920s, right? And heck, Cap was on ice, literally, for 50-60 years, who'd keep records?
What if Batroc the Leaper insidiously instigates a rather erroneous leap in logic, fronting a movement that contends that because Steve Rogers won't/can't release his birth certificate, that America's Sentinel of Liberty, its most decorated war veteran and Avengers icon might not have even been born in this country?
Yeah, sure he saved the planet a couple of bajillion times, but he might have been born in, oh no...
The Donald will get to the bottom of this.
SUPERMAN HAS A SHOCKING SECRET...11 of 12... yeah, he's a alien, but he's also a good Kansas farm boy from the Heartland of America and defender of Truth, Justice and the American Way. He holds in his heart and soul all the virtues Americans strive to find in themselves.
DC got a little mainstream media mileage last year by having Superman renounce his U.S. citizenship. Well, we can do that one better. What is the Man of Steel reveals he is in fact...
In Gallup polling for recent presidential elections, it has shown that Americans are more reluctant to vote for an atheist for president than any other social classification, over religious, racial, ethnic and sexual orientation lines.
The Internet has already been broken in half want to shatter it to a fine powder? Make America's oldest, most favoritist superhero a acknowledged non-believer and stand back and wait for the implosion.
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