Reboots Welcome: 10 Moments in DC History Worth Forgetting

It's happening: At midnight this Wednesday, Aug. 31, DC Comics releases <b>Flashpoint #5</b>, which spells the last comic of their current continuity that has existed for 25 years. <b>Justice League #1</b>, which hits that same day, begins the revamped and rebooted age of "The New 52." <P>It's the end of the era that started with <i>Crisis on Infinite Earths</i>, and though some stories <i>Batman: The Killing Joke</i>, for one are on record as still having "happened," plenty are not. Superman, for example, never got married to Lois Lane. <p>Though fans have mourned that some of their favorite stories may no longer count, at Newsarama we realize that, in some instances, it might not be the worst thing in the world. In DC's proud publishing history, there have been a couple of blemishes some problematic, some icky, some just kind of funny that might be best left swept under the continuity rug. <p>Click "start here" in the upper-left corner for our tongue-in-cheek list of DC moments better left forgotten, and stay tuned tomorrow for the nostalgic look back at 10 we'll never forget. <p><i>Got a comment? There's lots of conversation on Newsarama's <a href=http://www.facebook.com/Newsarama><b>FACEBOOK</b></a> and <a href=http://twitter.com/newsarama><b>TWITTER</b></a>!</i> <p>

BART ALLEN: THE UNLUCKIEST SUPERHERO EVER

Pity poor Bart Allen. <p>It wasn't enough that Bart, who had a good run - no pun intended - as Impulse, the speedster who very definitely <em>wasn't</em> Kid Flash found himself with what was essentially a new personality and old costume when he became a member of the Teen Titans as Kid Flash. When <em>Infinite Crisis</em> came around and Wally West made what seemed at the time to be the ultimate sacrifice - Bart then found himself artificially aged to become the next Flash for roughly two seconds DC time before being killed to clear the way for Wally's return, and then brought back to life a year or so later as a teen again through what could best be described as a retcon that everyone liked the results of enough that we pretended not to notice how flimsy it actually was. And then, adding insult to injury, he was one of three DCU characters to make it intact into <em>Flashpoint</em>, only to become a new Black Flash and cause all manner of disaster to the timestream as a result. <p>At some point, Bart stopped being a character and started being a solution to whatever plot problems writers felt needed addressing. Seeing him disappear with the rest of the DCU doesn't even feel that sad, in that context; if he'd stayed around, he probably would've ended up becoming the Anti-Monitor at some point and destroying existence as we know it.

SUPER-STAG FILM

You've heard about this one, right? In <i>Action Comics</i> #592 and #593, shortly after <i>Crisis on Infinite Earths</i>, John Byrne introduced a new villain named Sleez, who manages to trick Superman and Big Barda into filming a sex tape with each other. Yep. <p>Mr. Miracle, Big Barda's husband and fellow New God, wasn't too happy to find out wait, let's rewind. Mr. Miracle saw the film because Darkseid gave him a copy of the tape. That's right Darkseid, the ruler of Apokolips and generally the worst dude around in the DC Universe, tasked his minions to hit up the porno shops in Metropolis in search of a stag film on VHS. <p>This actually all might be pretty funny in an Elseworlds or "Bizarro Comics" story, but no, it was right there in continuity, filling two issues of one of the longest-running series in American comic book history.

YOU WILL BELIEVE A MAN CAN WALK

Just imagine this creative meeting. <p>"So, Superman has been struggling with his connections to humanity, being more Kryptonian than human lately, right?" <p>"Yup, go on..." <p>"And he just had big fights with huge threats including Lex Luthor, Brainiac, and an army of Kryptonians! So how do we follow that up?" <p>"How?" <p>"We make him WALK across the country, being a dick to people to find his humanity again! Then he can renounce the US, make some headlines, and, oh, hell, I'm not even into this story enough to finish it!" <p>And sure enough, after a year of <i>that</i>, Superman is now going to be a much more alien character in the DCnU. And yes, he'll be back to flying and punching supervillains.

THE MOST HONESTLY TITLED COMIC DC HAS EVER RELEASED

It's possible that no comic has even been titled as literally as <em>Justice League: Cry For Justice</em>, a series in which multiple characters do, in fact, cry for (or shout, pout or otherwise demand) justice. For example, each of the four scenes in the first issue features the central character talk about their need for justice, with three of those four ending with said character actually crying out for their need for justice by either saying or caption-narrating "<strong>Justice.</strong>" Just for emphasis, the final page of the issue not only features Congorilla's internal narration saying "Justice," but also features the same character - a giant golden ape, remember - leaping towards the reader, yelling "I want justice!" There was little doubt that anyone who read the issue could have missed the point of the series from that one issue alone. <p>The best part is, apparently all of these literal cries for justice wasn't intentional on the part of writer James Robinson; in an afterword written for the collected edition, he admitted that he hadn't realized just how many times the word appeared in the first issue until he re-read it after publication. Clearly, this kind of thematic throughline is either in a work, or not. <p>Fittingly, the final word of the series, spoken by Green Arrow as he (Spoiler! Although, considering the series is two years old by now and also part of a continuity that's being replaced on Wednesday, I doubt anyone really cares) stands over the corpse of a supervillain he's just murdered, is "Justice." The irony being, of course, killing the villain wasn't actually justice at all, just vengeance. <p>Wait. Someone get DC on the phone. I think there's potential for <em>Cry For Justice 2: Justice Is Served</em> here. <strong>Justice</strong>.

BATMAN'S BLADDER

Kevin Smith has a dedicated fanbase, but his comics aren't for everybody. (You could say the same thing about his movies, but that's a different list.) His <I>Daredevil</I> run offended a section of fans for killing off several long-running characters, and several other series turned readers off after being plagued with long delays. <p><i>Batman: The Widening Gyre</i> caused a controversy for a very different reason. Smith's penchant for toilet humor is obvious from anyone who's seen his movies there's a certain scene in <i> Zack and Miri Make a Porno</i> that took it to its (we hope) fullest potential so it was only a matter of time before he brought an element of that into his superhero comics. But people probably didn't expect it to also affect one of the most acclaimed DC stories of all time. <p>In <i>Widening Gyre #6</i>, written by Smith, Batman explains that during a key scene in Frank Miller's classic <i>Batman: Year One</i> where the fledging Caped Crusader confronts the mob with a stern warning, one of the explosive devices he set off caused him to pee his pants. (Which really makes wearing your underwear on the outside of your pants seem impractical.) <p>As a consolation prize, the exact in-continuity status of <i>Widening Gyre</i> isn't quite clear especially as a result of The New 52 revamp so if you want, you can easily forget Batman's "bladder spasm." (His words.)

NIGHTWING, A THREE-TIME VICTIM

It sounds like the punchline for a particularly sick joke, but somehow it happened: Dick Grayson, one-time Robin, two-time Batman and almost guaranteed to stay Nightwing for quite some time now, has been raped or sexually abused three times in official DC continuity since <em>Crisis On Infinite Earths</em>. Quite how this happened - or, for that matter, why the repetition was never really addressed in any story - is lost to the various creative teams on the various titles the events happened in. His assault by Tarantula in his own title during Devin Grayson's run has been often-discussed by fans (not least of all because it's unclear whether he was actually raped on-panel, or whether it was just some very suggestive silhouette-work going on), but Marv Wolfman managed to have him mind-controlled for dream sex by Raven <em>and</em> sleeping with Mirage who was disguised as his girlfriend Starfire during the latter years of his <em>Teen Titans</em> run. <p>What is it about Dick that brings out the predatory nature of his female villains is unclear, though it's surprising that this is never brought up in some clumsy "Look, we do it to our male heroes too!" defense whenever DC is accused of misogynistic shock storytelling towards its female heroes. Maybe he's just following in the footsteps of his mentor. After all, Bruce Wayne was also raped by Talia, and that one seems to be staying in New 52 continuity, judging by the presence of Damien in <em>Batman and Robin</em>.

A WOMAN IN A REFRIGERATOR

Let's face it, <b>Green Lantern #54</b> is going down in history no matter what. When Alex DeWitt, Kyle Rayner's girlfriend, got murderized and shoved into a refrigerator (literally) by Major Force, it sparked a revolution, or at least a blog. <p>That blog, of course, wound up helping a young Gail Simone launch her superhero writing career, so at least it has a silver lining. Regardless, back to Alex. The biggest problem that detractors have isn't necessarily that she died, or even that she was killed in a grisly manner, but more that she was created to do so. <p>While this wasn't a high point in the stories of Kyle Rayner as the last Green Lantern, it was an early point, and the character wound up having many wonderful adventures and moments. And hey, this moment did lead to one of our favorite moments of the <i>Blackest Night</i> event, when a Black Lantern Alex shoves Kyle into a black light refrigerator!

BREAKING THE FOURTH WALL (LITERALLY)

It's a quandary that both DC and Marvel heck, anyone telling a long-form narrative frequently find themselves having to tackle. They want to make dramatic changes to the characters and storylines, but also want it to make sense with what's happened before. So what do you do? <p>Well, in the case of <i>Infinite Crisis</i>, you have a frustrated Superboy-Prime punch the wall of reality, thus conveniently altering several things DC wanted to change at the time, including bringing former Robin Jason Todd back to life. The "Prime Punch," as fans dubbed it. <p>Given the "only in comics!" nature of Superboy-Prime's entire existence he's Superboy from "our world" the whole incident seemed like a kind of metatextual commentary on where DC had progressed to that point, lifting the curtain in a way similar to say, Grant Morrison's <i>Animal Man</i> or a typical episode of <i>Community</i>. Except it was played totally straight. Still, creators like Judd Winick did some quality stuff with the resurrected Jason Todd, who's starring in The New 52's <i>Red Hood & The Outlaws</i>.

MORE THAN ONE WAY TO SWING A CAT

Let's start off by saying, thank the maker that in about 36 hours, this story will no longer exist. It appears that Roy Harper in the DCnU has two working, human arms, and no noticeable affinity for felines. <p>So, in the recent old DCU, there was this time that Roy's daughter was killed in a completely preventable and senseless way. Then, in his fury, Roy got his arm ripped off. Then none of the big brains in the entire DCU could find a way to fix it because of Nanomites, so he got a mostly-functional cyber arm. Then he was impotent. Then he went back to his good ol' heroin addiction, got high, and thought a dead cat was his dead daughter. <p>It made no sense then, in pretty much any conceivable way. There are no hallucinogenic properties to heroin, for starters. Second, dead cats don't typically make very good stand-ins for daughters, or for weapons (both of which he used one the same one for). Guys, this was just too low a moment for any "hero" to ever have, and we're thankful to see it go.

IDENTITY CRISIS

<i>Identity Crisis</i> is quite possibly the most polarizing and controversial DC story of all time Publishers Weekly called it "both wildly popular and reviled." Though the book has its definite supporters, the Brad Meltzer-written, Rags Morales-illustrated series caused so much consternation, that <i>Rolling Stone</i> even asked Grant Morrison (who wasn't involved with the comic) about it seven years after it came out. <p>Not only did <i>Identity Crisis</i> reveal that Doctor Light, previously seen as a mostly harmless goofball, was in fact a brutal rapist who sexually assaulted beloved supporting character Sue Dibny at the Justice League's headquarters, it also killed off Firestorm, Tim Drake's dad and Sue herself. <p>Sue, who along with her husband Elongated Man are generally considered the embodiment of the whimsical side of the DC Universe, was murdered by Jean Loring, the Atom's ex-wife. Loring's not-so-perfect murder of Sue included shrinking herself down, crawling around Sue's brain in an attempt to give her a stroke (as you do), accidentally killing her, and then burning Sue's corpse for good measure. But before you get too upset at Jean Loring about all of this, keep in mind that it started as a plan to reunite with her ex-husband.

Reboots Welcome: 10 Moments in DC History Worth Forgetting

Date: 29 August 2011 Time: 09:17 PM ET